So, I'm back from the Doctor -- again -- and I'm proud to say, despite the lack of nicotine and caffeine this AM, I did *not* kill said doctor, nor did I blow up that blasted treadmill!
Now, I don't know if you've ever had this procedure done, but when you have heart issues, a nuclear stress test feels like you're going to die! As in D-I-E!
They start by putting in an IV and then run a dye through your body. After that, they take a "resting" MRI of your heart. Then they let you percolate for about an hour. *THEN* they drag you into another room, hook up a bunch of monitoring devices all over your chest and make you walk on a treadmill for about four minutes, ALL the while shooting yet *more* dye into your IV!
It is not fun!
As the dye circulates from your walking, you get these little mini hot-flashes all over that make you want to just stop and hurt someone!
And the four minutes you're moving along on this bloody, friggin', frackin' treadmill...Is. The. Longest. Of. Your. Life!
And then finally -- after you percolate *again* -- you go back in for another MRI.
Now, the MRI itself isn't all that bad. Unless you need to cough and are told not to move!!! (But, it was much more dealable than the rest...)
Anyway, after it was all said and done, the good Doctor decided that I do in fact need surgery -- of a sort. So, on Monday, I'll be going to the hospital for a Left Heart Catheterization. Now, this could go very well -- IE: I'm in and out -- or, it could go very bad. It will depend on what he finds once he's in there. We'll see. Either way, when it's all done, I will be feeling much, much, better!
And thank the Gods above, cause frankly, I'm just sick of being *sick*!!!
But, that's not the funny part of today's adventure...
Here's the best part. Being an Author means I can jokingly threaten those around me and have a good deal of fun with it!!!
Now, being that I've smoked for 30+ years and I like my caffeine -- Don't Judge Me peeples! -- going without either of those for any length of time is trying at best. So, by the time I reached the Doctor's office and was put through this torture, I was just a bit grumpy!!!
Ok, *more* than a bit, but you get the idea...
Anyway, as the morning wore on, I ended up coming up with a "plan" for all the staff at my Doctor's office and the roles they shall play in my current WIP (To Fight A Dragon's Past - Book 5 of the Dragons, Griffons and Centaurs, Oh My! Series):
(Now, keep in mind, normally I *do* love these people -- They're very professional, very personable and I've had nothing but good dealings with them!!! And after the last eight months of IDIOTS, that's saying a lot, trust me!)
The Receptionist - gets to live. (She was nice enough to give me correct directions when the GPS got me lost on the way to their new office, which I had not been to before.)
The MRI Tech - will live as well - though he may have a scar or two to show for his adventures in The Five Kingdoms!
The Nurse - I like her, I do, so I'm going to make her death quick, even though it will be decidedly painful when Golix (the Black Unicorn and main bad guy in the series) steps on and crushes her head.
The Doctor - oh, now he's going to die a gruesomely AWFUL death. He will be gutted by Golix's horn (not enough to kill him, mind you) and then tossed in The Pit of Ne'lo's prison. From there, the Neebe's (think NY sized Rats covered in scales and spikes, who are quite intelligent, mind you, and have developed a taste for Human stomach acid...) will take great pleasure in "sipping" from the good Doctor's tummy juices over the next several months. They will nibble tiny holes in his stomach and Sip from the juice -- they know not when another human might be given to them, so yeah, they tend to savor it! When they're done sipping for the day, they'll burrow into his chest cavity, curl up around his heart to keep it nice and warm and pumping to make more of the delectable juice, and sleep until they're hungry again...
Now, here's the best part. I made that scenario up, on the spot, while sitting there staring at the treadmill and after I described it to both the Nurse and Doctor...I got the following comments.
Nurse: Has anyone ever told you how twisted your mind is?
I merely smiled and replied: Ahyep. My Beta's tell me daily...
To which the Doctor said: Thanks, I'm going to have a nightmare tonight.
And, of course, I beamed a smile and said: You're welcome. Sleep well.
Now, I wouldn't swear to it, but I do believe from the look on his face that my eyes probably glittered a bit...maybe...MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Anyway, that's the story from here. I'll post again after the surgery on Monday to keep everyone up to date.
As always, thanks for stopping by!
Until next time,